Okay, I know you have all had your fantasy guy. He's in your head. He's perfect. He walks through the forest with the wind blowing through his hair or through his shirt or whatever. It depends on whether you like long or short hair, I suppose.
Well, its like this, he takes off that billowing shirt and he's covered in back hair? Maybe he wears shorts one day and his socks are pulled up way too high. Perhaps he wears a pair of leathers and a fishnet shirt and your desire is suddenly destroyed without question.
Ever go out with the nicest guy in the world on a date and he shows up with a shirt three sizes too small and ball-hugging pants? Its particularly destroyed when its a blind date and you see pictures or something and you are expecting what you get. You see their face, and you go oh, he's way cuter than I thought, and then he steps out of the car and blammo, he is wearing a pair of Hot Topic wind pants and the bottoms are bigger than that of the skatiest skateboarder in high school. I mean, he's a grown man, he's stuck in 1995, and you want to kill yourself all of a sudden. Your vag has dried up, and you will never love again.
With that being said, my top ten disgusts with attractive males who I fantasize about. This destroys my girl part tingling fantasies.
- Leather dusters or dusters in general - It dosen't even work for Bon Jovi anymore.
- Tramp stamps on men - You claim to be straight, but clearly you got that for when you star in men on men movies.
- Huge billowing skater pants - The nineties called. They would like your Hot Topic pants back, please.
- Half shaved haircuts with the ponytail. Decide. Its long or short. Again, the nineties has come to a screeching halt. Its all over. Face it!
- Tapered pants - You are not old. Give your mom back her mom jeans.
- Shirts that are two sizes to small - I don't care how fit you are. I will see it later when the shirt comes off. If its too small, its never coming off. Its staying right where it is.
- Sandals and socks - Please for the love of God! Nobody wants to see that!!!!
- Tattoos of Cartoon characters - WTF were you thinking tattooing Marvin the Martian on your forehead?
- Anything with ICP on it - You wear anything with a clown on it, I feel as if I may be duct taped, violated and thrown in the dumpster in back of Walmart. I'm going home!
- D - bag attire. If you tape your hair back and pluck your eyebrows too much - I'm good!